5 posts tagged “stress”

Tomorrow morning I am off to Stumptown in Portland Oregon.

I feel like the right thing to do here would be to put a bright shiny face on and talk about how great Cloudscape is and how happy we are to be going to Stumptown, but right now that feels a bit insincere.

A few days ago I would have said I was excited to be going. Now I am not so sure.

I mean I'm still excited to meet Jeff Smith, and Craig Thompson. I'm still excited to speak to Camilla D'Errico and Erika Moen and Ed Brisson again. I'm even excited to attend the Trophy Awards (We are nominated).

I am also excited to see how people like our news books (We've produced two since the last Stumptown). I really feel we've made a great book and I think this could be the con we actually make some profit at.

But due to unforseen complications that I don't feel I should get into in detail here. Everyone seems to be going into this with a chip on their shoulder. They have their nose out of joint, or are stressed out or both. This makes me worried about the future of the collective and I really feel like I haven't done a good job as it's leader.

I am hopeful that we can pull together as a group and move forward, hopefully the good vibes of Portland and the greatest comic con on earth can soothe us all.

Wish me luck!

Happy New Years!
Obviously one new years resolution I didn't make was "post regularly on the internet.

Sorry for the extended hiatus. Not only have I been busy, but I'm also found myself swept up in a rollercoaster of emotions. It seems to be shaping up to a moody year in 2008. Either deliriously happy or morbidly depressed.

Obviously right now I'm on an upswing. After a brief period of anxiety brought on by financial woes, and having my heart ripped from my chest and shat upon for a second time by "She-who-shall not be named". I find myself leveling out a bit.

I landed some contract work to ease the finances. And I even got a call out of the blue soliciting an illustrator, so Perhaps my art career will be kicking into high gear finally :)

I also have had a tremendous amount of support from my friends in the comics collective. Which is something I don't talk about nearly enough because out of everything going on in my life right now it's proving to be my rock. We started our weekly meetings again for the new year and actually had almost everyone attend!

Our website/forum is starting to come together, but sadly we must rename ourselves. Damn you cumulus press!! But like the phoenix, cumulus too shall rise again, just under a different name. I'm pulling for precipitation press personally. Hopefully in a few weeks we will start printing and I can launch the website.

There is also a possiblity for us to connect with Arsenal press, which would be super cool, and once we start the promo tour I might get to be interviewed by the inkstuds, which could be quite fun! Watch this space for more news!

In the meantime I have to go pick up some proofs from the printer!

cheers!

I've been feeling continually unsettled as of late. Like I am out of synch with the world.
Or perhaps far too in synch. I am realizing my worst dreams. I am wrapped up in the daily grind. Working from paycheque to paycheque and having very little to show for it.
I feel like I've become more distant and estranged from family and friends now than I ever was in Japan.

Ah Japan. It haunts me now. These mementos and photographs. Records of a second life I walked away from. Returning instead to Vancouver to slide my feet back into the familiar and comfortable shoes of a struggling artist/retail clerk. There are still days I get hit with a strong sense of ennui and nostalgia. Longing to return to those wild and carefree days. Or at least wild and carefree now, viewed in hindsight with all negatives filtered out.
Hopefully I will get my comic book published soon, so I can say I at least accomplished one thing after returning.

I bought a small Christmas tree yesterday and decorated it by myself. It triggered memories of my first Christmas in Japan. Cobbling together a makeshift Christmas party. trying to simulate all the food and traditions of home in a land that knew or cared very little for them. It was on of my best Christmases to date. Last night I felt gripped by a sadness I couldn't pin down.

I watched "It's a Wonderful life" a sort of chicken soup for the soul. So cheesey right? I guess so, but it did the trick. To be honest I don;t think I've ever empathized more with the main character. His hopes and dreams of travelling and being a huge success squashed by the seemingly pedestrian responsiblities of home. At least i made it to Japan for a few years eh?
But still what am I doing here now? What do I really want to do? If I could answer these questions I might be able to move forward.

I feel impatient and edgy, I want something to change.

I've been thinking about girls again too. But that is another area of my life in which I find no success, due mostly to the fact that I don't know what I want.

I hate coming off so moody and emo right now. I wish I could be one of those people who brim with self confidence and assertiveness.

Whew! Ok well I feel a lot better today. From my last post my stress level seemed to be getting higher and higher till I was just about ready to attack a random stranger on the street.
Unfortunately I think J suffered the brunt of my frustration because she'd bailed on me twice when we were supposed to meet up for dinner. Sorry J.
Anyways, in spite of not having a day off for 11 days straight I think I've managed to relax a bit. Never under estimate the power of not doing the dishes, or shaving for a few days and spending a few nights wearing pajamas and being at one with your couch and watching bad TV and movies.
I'm starting to think about growing my goatee out again, and sadly I'm also thinking it's time to get a buzz cut. As much as I liked the faux hawk, my hair is starting to get too thin. I don't know, maybe I'm over reacting, some people tell me I'm crazy, but maybe they're being polite, others have nodded in agreement. Male pattern baldness lurks in the shadows close at hand now. So it's one final haircut, unless I start investing in some chemical solution.
Man, I must be vain.

Ah well, hopefully by next week my studio will be up and running and I'll be improv-ing again soon. Hopefully there will be more production on the comic collective front as well.

Well that's it for now.

I just got over a case of pink eye that hit on Saturday. The general comment I keep getting is "Wow I remember getting that, WHEN I WAS A KID". I don't know why but it suddenly makes me feel embarassed by the whole thing. Like I failed in some sort of adult duty to not get crud in my eye.

I don't know, it's all just added on to a whole bunch of other stuff that has made me feel very run down.
I suppose moving will do that to you. Still I like my new place, a lot. And now that I've started decorating it's feeling like a home.
I'm almost ready to invite people over.
I still need a coffee table, but I have a very specific one in mind so it makes it difficult. Anyone have a three foot long glass coffee table with a lower storage shelf they want to get rid of?

I'll be working this Friday at inEthos, as well as the entire following week which means I'll be doing another eleven day work marathon. I'm going to have to start looking for a new job I think, because splitting time between these too is wearing me out.

My bicycle also chose this past weekend to give up on me. I'm not sure which went first but the axle and frame both snapped leaving me to take transit this week. Most annoying of all is I'd just picked up my bike from getting a tune-up. So my bike is no-more. And right when the summer sun finally shows up. (I think I'd heard there was going to be a high of 37 today!!) So after checking with my parents I put a new bike on the credit card. Hopefully I won't have to ask them for assistance in paying the bill when it arrives, but it also means no luxurious spending for the next few months.
For anyone questioning the merits of buying a new bike so quick you need to realize I use it to commute to work every day and it saves me a lot of money as well as benefits my health.

Amidst the deluge of all this I find my improv, and Cumulus (comic collective) have fallen to the wayside. I haven't even finished setting up my studio, which I really aught to make a priority above the Spider-Man action figures display.

I find my penchant for procrastination goes up with my stress levels. I really aught to take a week off sometime soon to recharge. Matt is apparently coing in from Winnipeg in August so hopefully I can get our days to line up.

Anyways hope you are all well. If I haven't called/emailed/sent carrier pigeon recently it's nothing personal, and would be glad to hang out with anyone who manages to call/email/send carrier pigeon to me.